Stop Saying That!!

There's a lot of phrases that turn my stomach when it comes to adoption.  Most of them are said by PAPs (Potential Adoptive Parents).   Just to name a few:

Gag.  No, you're not.  You've filled out a bunch of paperwork so you could be put on a list with other potential adopters who are waiting for a woman to decide that she can't parent her child.  Instead of offering her assistance, you're taking her baby.  Big difference from being pregnant.  And for the love of all that is good and holy in the world, don't compare morning sickness to paper cuts.  It bugs the crap out of me.

I hate this phrase.  A lot.  But what I hate more than the words themselves are the pictures of children being brought into an airport with tons of people waiting for a couple with a child who has been adopted from another country.  The scared, blank looks of those children haunt me.  They don't know anyone who is trying to hug them..and the only reason they cling to their new parents is because they are the lesser of two evils.  

Yeah, unless I skipped a whole year of Biology class in high school, I'm pretty sure that's not possible.  Oh, I know it's supposed to be lighthearted and a happy little thing to say.  But what it's actually doing is glossing over the fact that the baby you're coveting as your own actually has another mother who is mourning the loss of their child.

No, adoption is another word for LOSS.  Loss of your heritage..loss of your original birth certificate...loss of your sense of identity...and the loss of your natural parents.  Explain to me how that equals love because it doesn't make sense.  

And finally...

::runs from the room screaming::  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

If your God considers the loss of the mother/father/child relationship to be a gift, I'll stick with mine, thank you very much.

Potato Potahto

Normally at this hour I'd already be on my way to work, but I have a training class in another building at 8:30 am so I have time to kill at home before leaving.  Nice to be able to sit around for an extra hour, but I don't know what to do with myself.  I am sitting here, hoping that a blog post emerges from this early morning brain.

And so, a rant on this Monday morning.

Oh don't sit there and act all surprised...ranting is what I do best.

I use the word "adoptee" a lot on my blogs.  Kind of hard not to when you are one, right?  What confuses me is the fact that the spell checker doesn't recognize the word.  See?

If, according to Blogger, I'm not supposed to use "adoptee", then what suggestions does it give me?

adopter
adopted
adopt

Most of us have heard about "Positive Adoption Language", or rather, as an adoptee, have read about what adoption agencies and potential adoptive parents think the language should be to make themselves feel better.

Perhaps the fact that the word "adoptee" isn't recognized is just another trick of the adoption agencies.

"No no, the kid isn't an adoptee..they are an "ADOPTED CHILD".  Let's make adoptee a bad word so they'll all start using the right terminology!"

Hey, think that's not possible?  These are the same people who cringe when someone uses the term "natural parent" to describe the people who gave them life.

To them, I say, read the definitions and weep.

Notice that on the definition of "parent", the first line talks about the people who gave you life and the second line talks about being raised by other people.

Personally, I choose to say "natural"...others may use "original"..and others may choose to say "birth" parents.  The point is, you can't force someone to use the terms you feel most comfortable with, if those aren't what work for him or her.

You want to call me an adopted person behind my back?  Fine.  I've surely been called worse..lol.  But I will continue to refer to myself as an adult ADOPTEE...loudly and proudly.