When I was younger, I suffered from insomnia. Often, after the rest of the house had fallen asleep I'd tiptoe downstairs and watch the B grade horror movies playing at night, sometimes sneaking a half cupful of Capital-N-Small-y-Big-F*cking-Q. I grew out of it for the most part, but there are some nights where I can't fall asleep to save my life and I'm left tossing and turning like a chicken on a rotisserie.
Tonight is just one such occasion.
If tomorrow was Saturday, I wouldn't care so much. But the fact that I have to get up in roughly four and a half hours to go to work is making me highly irritated and making it that much more difficult to settle my brain down. The good news is, we made our Third Quarter cash goal as a department so our manager called a quick meeting this afternoon and told us how amazed he was by our hard work and oh, by the way, we're letting you out at noon on Friday for the weekend. THAT made my day. I've allowed my health to escape me again this quarter and my anxiety is through the roof. I've got a friend at work who sent me a daily Outlook reminder to take my pills though so at least if I still am feeling crappy in a few weeks time, I'll know it's because I need to change medication and not that I was just too lazy to figure it out.
My son has been a holy terror. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was the teenage girl living in my house with the premenstrual hormones instead of my daughter. I'm seriously at my wit's end with his behavior at home and wish I knew what the hell his problem is. I've taken away his iPod, made him write sentences ("I will not yell at Mummy", "I will change my attitude"), begged, pleaded...you name it, I've tried it. And yet, I still get the sarcastic "You're welcome!" when he finally put down the huge drink of water he poured to avoid taking his shower after I told him several times that he needed to be in the bathroom now.
Am I too lenient? I try not to be. My daughter seems to understand that if I ask her to do something, she needs to do it. I still get the occasional grumble from her, but she'll apologize right away when I call her out on it. I know that no matter how bad things get, I'll never wail on the kid like I was subjected to...but for the love of all that is good and holy in the world, I need some suggestions. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
My sister Cate is coming out Saturday for a sleepover. I cannot wait. It's been since August that I've seen her, but it feels like a year. We'll end up watching chick flicks with my daughter on the couch, all three of us snuggled up under blankets eating popcorn and talking smack about each other..lol. As much as I love my son, I'm kind of glad he'll be gone with The Others this weekend because I could really use some girl time. She emailed me and asked me what we were doing this weekend and I replied, nothing that I know of. She said, good because I want to come out to see you. I burst out into tears in my work parking lot. I told her that I needed her and she asked if I was okay.
I said yes.
I lied.
My bouts of insomnia are usually the result of an inordinate amount of stress that I've placed on myself and I let things just fester and smolder and then at the most inopportune moment, those things explode and I have to scramble around to pick up the pieces. This week has been one of those explosions and while I've contained my breakdowns for the drive in and drive home from work, that's just making me more upset.
I'm not even sure what my actual problem is...just that there is one...lol. How's that for helpful?
All I can do is pick myself up, hit the proverbial "reset" button at work to start the new quarter/year end bullsh*t, hope that my kid tones down the sarcastic attitude (NO idea where he got THAT from) and enjoy my sister and daughter time this weekend.
Going to give this elusive sleep thing another go. Until we meet again...
*POOF*
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