Another year has passed. Another year of dealing with the anniversary of my adoptive father's death. I am not sure what to say that hasn't been said before.
And so, before the thunderstorm arrives full force and knocks out the power, I'm going to link to the posts I wrote on each September 12th the past four years on "Out of the Fog".
September 12, 2009 ~ Tapping Out
September 7, 2010 ~ Blooming
September 12, 2011 ~ Beautiful Mourning
September 12, 2012 ~ Coincidence?
I'm doing okay. Just keeping busy and trying not to dwell on the feelings. When I do think about it, I get confused. You'd think it would be easy to say, "Thank goodness he's dead...he sucked!". But it's not as simple as that. As bad as it was growing up in that house, he was still my father. And I still grieve, even ten years later. But am I grieving for him as my father? Or the thought of what should have been?
Emotions are never black and white... What you feel is real and OK. I think all of us struggle when we try to put roles/expectations on people and are disappointed when they do not meet those expectations. I know I have. Humans are flawed individuals. Just as my life experiences shape my actions, others experiences shape their actions. I have to remind myself that I don't have a window in other peoples minds and will never fully understand why people do what they do. Once you realize that, its easier not to be disappointed in others failures.
ReplyDeleteAt least that's what's helped me the past 40 years....