Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Stop Saying That!!

There's a lot of phrases that turn my stomach when it comes to adoption.  Most of them are said by PAPs (Potential Adoptive Parents).   Just to name a few:

Gag.  No, you're not.  You've filled out a bunch of paperwork so you could be put on a list with other potential adopters who are waiting for a woman to decide that she can't parent her child.  Instead of offering her assistance, you're taking her baby.  Big difference from being pregnant.  And for the love of all that is good and holy in the world, don't compare morning sickness to paper cuts.  It bugs the crap out of me.

I hate this phrase.  A lot.  But what I hate more than the words themselves are the pictures of children being brought into an airport with tons of people waiting for a couple with a child who has been adopted from another country.  The scared, blank looks of those children haunt me.  They don't know anyone who is trying to hug them..and the only reason they cling to their new parents is because they are the lesser of two evils.  

Yeah, unless I skipped a whole year of Biology class in high school, I'm pretty sure that's not possible.  Oh, I know it's supposed to be lighthearted and a happy little thing to say.  But what it's actually doing is glossing over the fact that the baby you're coveting as your own actually has another mother who is mourning the loss of their child.

No, adoption is another word for LOSS.  Loss of your heritage..loss of your original birth certificate...loss of your sense of identity...and the loss of your natural parents.  Explain to me how that equals love because it doesn't make sense.  

And finally...

::runs from the room screaming::  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

If your God considers the loss of the mother/father/child relationship to be a gift, I'll stick with mine, thank you very much.


  1. I am with you on most of these. My eldest son came home to us from India. The blank look he has in those first pictures haunts me still. However, he also was desperately ill and likely would not have survived had he stayed in his country of origin. I do not really dislike the one about baby growing in the heart. I have never tried to hide or diminish first families with my kids--they are ALL part of our family --but my kids did grow in my heart. And they all know that there is a special place in my heart that is just theirs. I think all parents feel that way.

  2. Brilliant! And what a great way to (belatedly) discover you're blogging again!